What makes a boy a man? Is he supposes to father a son, build a house and plant a tree to become a manly man? Of course not. Nowadays, we can rent a repair crew or the whole company to build a house. Also, more and more people are living in crowded cities, so it is quite impossible to plant a tree if you are not a member of Greenpeace. Finally, having just the daughters is not a shame.
A lot of boys expect that the sexual initiation would make them adult. However, there are still boys, but the boys who have sex. If a girl gets pregnant, basically they run away. When I was working with the teenagers, most of them admit that that special moment made them adult. It was not important if they could give a pleasure to a girl – that was not their objective. “I just wanted to f**k, because I want to be respected by my friends. They are thinking that I am a pathetic little boy”.
The definition of true men has been changing during last decades. Firstly, in 50’ the man had to be: head of a family, hard-working, emotionally inaccessible, patriot. He couldn’t cry. But after a war in Vietnam the situation changed. The 60’ made the boys discover their sensitive nature. They become more respectful to women but also less engage in life (family and political). Men don’t want be oppressive for a partner, so they become passive.
The lack of father results in creation of radical feminist (who basically hates all men) and lost boys who do not understand the notion of manhood.
Robert Bly present the vision of manhood which do not criticize the achievements of feminism, but at the same time in show the way that every boy has to pass to become a man. “Iron John: A Book About Men” would be an unpleasant lecture for every Peter Pan.
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